CHAPTER I.

Mutiny on the Mainland--Southernmost Dempseys--Frosty Relief

Concerning the current authorship of this blog:  I, the most honourable James Dempsey, have seen fit to relieve my dear sister from the burden of faithfully recounting the facts of my not-quite-aged parents' adventure to the frozen wastelands of the south.  In addition to the dry facts, which fully intend to enhance (where necessary!), I'll also provide commentary (in and out of the style of Mark Twain himself), facts, and allusions to passages from "The Innocents Abroad," ( which I'll assume from this point on, you have obtained and are reading.)  I'll make every attempt to entertain you while my adventurous parents are outside the far reach of the Internet, but should this blog bring upon you the exquisite agony which one might only expect from having a shave by a French barber, please feel free to notify me in the comments section and we will engage the creative talents of my dear sister to convey the adventure from that point on.

February the 11th finds our pleasure-cruisers solidly staking their claim their newest accolade: "Southernmost Dempseys."  Having departed Ushuaia, they are currently making their way across the most unforgiving Drake Passage.  Sir Francis Drake, you will recall, is not only famous for circumnavigating the earth in 1577, but also for capturing and plundering the Cagafuego (in English: "Fireshitter") which was carrying an undisclosed amount of treasure.  While the Queen didn't allow Drake to disclose the value of the treasure, we do know that Drake stated that his backers received £47 for each pound invested, which is a 4,700% return even with the portion appropriated by the Queen.  Those interested in examples of Drake Passage weather can check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jld5pIUKhCE

Of their vessel, our adventurers have said that no expense has not been spared to make it comfortable.  Having had the pleasure of inspecting similar conveyances, I can safely say that there is not enough room to swing a cat in, at least with entire security to the cat.  Among the expenses spared appears to be a functioning toilet, which has been has been non-functioning for the past twelve hours.  Viable alternatives appear to be limited to a bucket and direct contribution to the sea.  I have requested details on anyone brave enough to endeavor to warm the sea directly.

Their unembellished and uncorrected account can be read below:

We are doing great.  neither of is seasick.  Wa are 2/3 of way across the

drake passage.  light wind, sa

Seas about 2 meters.  hard to write on boat due to pitching.  we will

reach calm waters of antarctica tomorrow.  happy with all crew mates,

but accumulating some every day.

No exspense has not been spared to make this boat comfortable. It is a

true working boat.  The tioilet in the only bathroom blocked and out of

service for past 12 hours.  The first suggestion to just pee off the

stern platform was rejected by almost everyone.  Now we have a bucket

that we must carry away and dump.